Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Michigan Football and it's effect on your Deathpool

When legendary coach Bo Schembechler died the day before (then) #2 Michigan met #1 Ohio State for the right to play for the National Championship - that was just a crazy-wierd coincidence that added even more intrigue to that classic match up. In the end Bo's death was not worth the 4 points needed for UofM to upset the Buckeyes. However I guess we can thank Bo (indirectly) for enabling the ginormous debate about how whacked the BCS really is (again). R.I.P. Bo and stop giggling...we can still hear you!

So last evening the 38th President of the United States and former Michigan Football player Gerald Ford died at the age of 93. Yep, just seven days prior to Michigan's back-in-the-good-ole-days match-up with the USC Trojans in the Rose Bowl.

It is painfully clear to me that Michigan Football is now directly responsible for killing dignitaries/alumni associated with their program on the eve of their football games.

Is it the pressure? The anticipation? The helmets? I dunno but once was surely strange, twice is a freakin' trend.

So in an effort to aid those Deathpool players for 2007, here's a look at Michigan's 2007 schedule and some predictions as to who the football program will kill next year...

Game 1. Eastern Michigan.
The program claims "I have you now" as James Earl Jones takes a dirt nap.
Game 2. Oregon.
In honor of those ultra-slimming uniforms, Robert Atkins of the Atkins diet goes the way of Karen Carpenter.
Game 3. Notre Dame.
Former Wolverine and Cincinnati Red third baseman Chris Sabo lies down for the last time cause he just looks like he went to Notre Dame.
Game 4. Penn State.
Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes fame cause he looks like Joe Pa (wait, is he already dead?)
Game 5. Northwestern.
Peter Schweitzer president (emeritus) of JWT Advertising. That old "that's alright, that's ok you'll be working for us someday" chant from the Wildcats might work now with Schwietzkoph dead.
Game 6. Purdue.
In the ultimate irony, una-bomber Ted Kaczynski dies on the eve of the Boilermaker game.
Game 7. Illinois.
A total fuck-you from the Wolverines on this one. B. Joseph White, the 16th President of the University of Illinois is pushin' daisies.
Game 8. Minnesota.
Between the yawns and naps, Bill Davidson owner of the Detroit Pistons and Tampa Bay Lightning sleeps with the fishes.
Game 9. Michigan State.
The bastards stick it to MSU in two ways. On the field AND they kill the coolest MSU alumni in the history of history, James Caan. Technically the streak is still alive.
Game 10. Wisconsin. Back to tradition and UM alumnus Ann Coulter dies in a freak accident at the hand of Al Gore at an internets convention.
Game 11. Ohio State.
The football program puts the final death nail in Drew Henson's already dead career. Somewhere in New York, George Steinbrenner smiles ever so slightly.


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Pat said...

Atkins died 3 years ago: